Monday, June 6, 2011

Finding Sarah

I have not decided whether I will tune into Finding Sarah on OWN next Sunday, or DVR it.  The Tony Awards are on at the same time, and the Tonys will win out.  At least there is class on Broadway.

Sarah Margaret Ferguson, it is time to shut up.  No one wants to hear your sob stories, over and over again.  We've heard these stories before .. and how you finally got it right, only to read once again, that you didn't get it right.  Everyone keeps enabling you.  The Duke of York is an enabler, and so is Oprah Winfrey.  She is using your issues to fatten her already corpulent wallet. 

Now you bleat about your late mom, claiming she beat you as a child because you didn't use the potty!  Cripes, millions of mothers spanked their kids, and the kids turned out all right.  It is not unusual for tired young moms to get frustrated when their little ones miss the potty.  It's normal.  Merde happens.

This is not the first time that you have used the excuse that your mother bolted for another man.  That wasn't your fault.  Your parents' marriage failed.   Your mother put her own needs before the needs of her two young daughters.   That was her fault.   

In previous interviews, you talked about your warm relationship with your mother, visiting her and Hector Barrantes in Argentina.  You even tried to save her property there,  not a smart move, because it put you back in the debt column.

If you had married a young naval officer named Andrew Windsor, whose parents live in the country, and you had an affair that broke up the marriage, no one would have noticed.   The infidelities would not have been plastered on the front pages of the world's media.  You would have gone with your miserable life, without the rest of the world knowing about. 

I believe in helping the less fortunate. I even believe that we need to pay more taxes to support schools, health care, libraries and so on.  But I do not believe in entitlements for entitlement's sake.   The only reason that you now have a show on OWN is because you used to be married to Queen Elizabeth II's second son, Andrew.   You feel you remain entitled to designer clothes, extravagant trips and a lifestyle that most of us can only dream about.  The issue is not about your mother whacking your butt for missing the potty.  The real issue is your inability to accept that you are not a member of the British Royal Family, and, therefore, are not entitled to the privileges of membership in the British Royal Family, and with those privileges comes responsibility.   You eschewed that responsibility and service to the country when you chose to leave the marital bed. 

You are not HRH The Duchess of York.  You are merely styled as Sarah, Duchess of York, as a divorced wife of a peer is entitled to be styled.  But once the divorce absolute came through, you ceased to be royal and a British princess by marriage.  You reverted to being a true commoner with interesting aristocratic and royal lines.   Your father was the great-grandson of the 6th Duke of Buccleuch.    Your father retired from the army in 1968 with the honorary rank of major.  This retirement allowed your father to pursue his passion for polo, which culminated with being named as the Prince of Wales' Polo manager.    He was unfaithful to his two wives, and he was a member of the Wigmore Club, which was not your typical massage parlor.  Nor was it a health spa.

Your education was sparse.  Minor boarding school.   You didn't go to college.  You worked as a secretary, and then headed to Switzerland to work as a chalet girl.  You ended up in bed (and stayed there for several years) with billionaire Paddy McNally (as in the Formula 1 Paddy McNally), a widower with several children.  McNally's wife died in 1980.   McNally, 22 years your senior, was never interested in putting a ring on your finger, although you hung around, waiting, and waiting.  Smart man, Mr. McNally.   Stop playing the victim.  You are not a victim.  You - and you alone - are responsible for your actions and your behavior.  Make that your mantra.

You played with Prince Andrew as a child, so it no surprise that you would met him again as an adult as your parents moved in the same circles.  Your stepfather, Hector Barrantes, was an internationally renowned Argentine polo player.

Allegedly, it was the Princess of Wales who helped heal your broken heart - after Paddy made it clear that you were not going to be his second wife -- and facilitated an introduction to Prince Andrew. 

You like the nice lifestyle of private jets, designer clothes, and luxurious vacations.  But you are an ex-wife, who received very little in the divorce settlement.  Most of the divorce settlement was put in trust for your two daughters, who are princesses because of their father.  Not because of you.  Being the ex-wife of a British prince does not entitle you to any special privileges.   The best thing you can do for your two daughters is to give up this show, give up this charade, get real therapy, talk to a minister, and do something with your life ... and for your life.
If you really want to break the chain of bad decisions, here's what you need to do.  Ditch the TV series, the self-flagellation and the 24hour pity party.  You need to find a job.  A real job, although this might be difficult considering your age and your resumé.  Most of your books were written by others.

How about a job working for a non-profit association or a charity?  I am not talking about a job with a big office and view of the Hudson  River.   A 9-5 job with an hour for lunch and two weeks vacation a year. You would probably have to contribute to your health care and retirement plans.   You would get Christmas Day off, but would probably have to be back at work the next day. 

Releasing tears on cue for the cameras is not going to work.  Give it up.  Understand and accept that you cannot live like a royal without the income to back it up.   You cannot live off your daughters' trust funds.   Move out of Royal Lodge.  Find your own (small) apartment.   Pay the rent.  Stop whining.  It became unbecoming decades ago.


Leslie said...

Oh hear, hear!! At last, someone is calling this for what it is: another pathetic attempt to garner attention.

I read a psych blog/op-ed piece today that made a fair bit of sense to me:

I will not watch Ms. Ferguson's show. I won't contribute to her sense of importance and entitlement by driving up the ratings. And to be honest, it's this kind of garbage that makes me dislike Oprah Winfrey so much. She, more than anyone else, legitimized this kind of opportunistic voyeurism, and it's just so tasteless.

marrakeshi said...

i agree

Anonymous said...

Well said, WELL SAID!!

I would not waste any of my God given day to way bing her foolishness...I wish for her to grow up and truly get help.
However, when one can get paid for this sort of dribble (OWN show) then why bother? They are surely contributing to her whining.

Anonymous said...

Wow - double-barreled blast from Marlene! Now that you've got (the original) Fergie sorted, there's still Parisite Hilton, the entire Kardashian clan, Lindsay Lohan and all of those other Hollywood skank-biscuits that desperately NEEEEED that kind of hard talking truth aimed directly at each and every one of 'em!

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

Barbara Walters attempted it with Paris Hilton a few days ago. I cannot be bothered with Hollywood skanks.

DW said...

Very well put! Part of the problem is Andrew, who seems to pay off her bills over and over and over. I didn't see anything wrong with her filing for bankruptcy - not that she would have learned from it. She doesn't seem to learn from anything.
- DW

tjmooney said...

Don't watch it. Don't DVR it. That will just encourage Sarah and Oprah. The more people that watch/DVR it, the more we're guaranteed a second season in which "the Duchess" lives in a mansion with 20 or so men vying for her ex-husband's wallet. Err, vying for her heart.

tjmooney said...

Besides, I hear "Prinz von Anhalt" may soon have a job vacancy in the Faux-Princess department.

What Kate Wore said...

Very well done, I concur with almost everything you have said. We all (at least most of us) have things in our past, our upbringing, that have deleteriously impacted how we see ourselves, and consequently those around us. It doesn't mean we have a lifetime hall pass to continue behaving badly.

Kalnel said...

I agree with the drift of what you're saying, but I view her latest "career move" somewhat differently: If she's shameless enough to participate, OWN is opportunistic enough to produce it, and viewers are dumb enough to watch, why shouldn't she cash in on it?

I agree that it's an undignified, tacky enterprise -- and I completely agree with LWH's comments about Oprah -- but if that's how Sarah Ferguson wants to spend her time, it's no skin off my nose.

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

Unfortunately, Sarah's actions and behavior will have consequences that will effect her daughters' lives. They are princesses of the blood royal, but because of Sarah, they will be largely consigned to the lower ranks, and may not have a role to play within the panopoly of the monarchy. The royal family is getting smaller through attrition and the two princesses would be the logical choices to pick up the slack of royal duties, but their mother is the albatross around their necks. If Sarah had lived a blameless life after the divorce, establishing a new life with a job, doing her own thing, and not always trying to seek Andrew's approval, the Princesses would be in a very different situation.

Mimi's Meanderings said...

Marlene, I totally agree with your blog article and then your response to Kalnel. The girls are losing their protection due to their mother's scandalous behavior. The Queen doesn't want them to assume royal duties because she cannot abide their mother and her inappropriate and questionable clamor for fame and fortune. I am appauled at Sarah's latest rant about her mother. In general sick of hearing her pity party rerun, rerun,rerun! And if she and Andrew are "so close and lovey dovey" why not remarry and forget all this drama garbage. No watching/Tivo/DVR. Wish she'd fade away.

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

I think the picture is a little bigger, though. There have been press reports about the possibility of the York Princesses losing their PPOs except on official occasions. Thia also would apply to the Wessexes, Gloucesters,etc. Sarah's behavior is partially responsible in terms of the overall picture. The overarching criticisms of lifesytles, costs, etc., came out of the breakup of the marriages. I believe that if the Wales' and the Yorks' marriages survived, there might have been far less criticisms toward costs of security and other things.

Mimi's Meanderings said...

Totally agree that different marriage situations would have solved many a problem. The costs of the PPO' is decidedly a factor, but with the shrinking Royal Family and the increasing demands for their patronage of charitable endeavors as well as official functions, it would certainly have helped to have 2 more HRH share some of the burden and spread good will in the face of the "new image" the Queen is assuming since her debunkle handling Diana's death.
I am so glad I found your blog, but can't find a twitter account. Do you twitter?

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

I do not twitter nor do I text. My phone is not very smart. It was trained to make and receive telephone calls.

Personally, I think the tabloid media largely created the Diana farce. Diana was a former wife of a British royal. She was not entitled to a state funeral, although that's what she largely got. I feel the Queen was right to keep her grandsons out of the limelight and be with them. They were far more important. But the tabloid media fueled the fires - and things were made worse by Blair, who called Diana the People's Princess, hardly original as the term was first used for Mary Adelaide of Cambridge, and later for the future Queen Elizabeth II.

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

I am also not convinced that the York princesses will be frozen out of royal duties. I think there may be a mixture of paid work and royal duties.

Kalnel said...

So, did you watch the show? I started to, but fell sound asleep around the time she sat down with Suze Orman. It was less than inspiring -- lots of pathetic Sarah sniveling.

Interesting point about the girls (who appear in this show) being sidelined. I hate to jump to conclusions about such young people, but their dress sense alone turns me off so much, I can't see them taking on more serious work.

But, people mature, so we'll see...

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

I watched the Tony Awards! Much better!