Thursday, May 20, 2021

Leo's alphabet


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This was written by Lord Leopold Mounbatten, second son of Princess Beatrice, Queen Victoria's youngest child, and Prince Henry of Battenberg.



A stands for Arthur a prince without grit.
Some say he is a hero. We know he is a shit.
(Prince Arthur of Connaught)

B stands for Beatrice the Queen of the Wight
Whose passion for church is the parson's delight.
(Princess Beatrice, youngest daughter of Victoria)

C stands for Christian, now departed from this life.
He was foul to his children & rude to his wife.
(Princess Christian of Schleswig-Holstein, husband of Princess Helena)

D stands for Drino whose piles gave him hell.
He's now got a wife who has them as well.
(The Marquess of Carisbrooke)

E stands for Ena, the fair Queen of Spain.
Her offspring is legion. It's a wonder she's sane.


F stands for Family. The Royal one I mean
They can't be explained -- They've got to be seen.

G stands for George, a King without charm.
His manners offensive, but don't do much harm.
(King George V)

H stands for Helen, a Duchess of Rank.
Her shape is immense and resembles a tank.
(Duchess of Albany)

I stands for Irene of indefinite tact.
She gets on with her "in-laws" - strange -- but a fact.
(Marchioness of Carisbrooke)

J stands for Jealousy - mean petty trait.
which obscures the Royal Family's sense of fair play.

K stands for Knollys, an old sister and brother,
who for hundreds of years have been with the Queen Mother.
(Charlotte Knollys and her brother, close to Queen Alexandra)

L stands for Louie, and also Louise.
They're both mad and dirty, damned hard to please.
(Princess Marie Louise of Schleswig-Holstein and the Duchess of Argyll)

M stands for Mary, who's never been seen
to have any fun, except drive with the Queen.
(Princess Mary, daughter of King George V)

N stands for Nada, of Russian extraction.
She married Medina, to her great satisfaction.
(Countess Nada Torby married to the Earl of Medina, ne Prince George of Battenberg)

O stands for Osborne, a summer resort.
Where the family yacht-raced, learnt swimming and fought.

P stands for Patsy who's married at last,
and has shed the Royal Rank she had in the past.
(Princess Patricia of Connaught)

Q stands for the Queen, whose life is well known.
To consist of kind actions, and patience at home.
(Queen Mary)

R stands for Royal, the Princess of that name,
Who is yellow and thin, whose talk is insane.
(Princess Royal -- Princess Louise).

S stands for Schomberg, the house which conceals
a permanent grievance with dramas at meals.
(Residence of Princess Helena Victoria and Princess Marie Louise)

T stands for Thora, the only princess
Who is loved by us all and a downright success.
(Princess Helena Victoria)

U stands for Uncle and Arthur is his name,
He's now a bit gaga, but kind all the same.
(Prince Arthur, Duke of Connaught)

V stands for Victoria - a cat beyond measure
To whom scandals and lies are a positive pleasure.
(Princess Victoria, sister of George V)

W stands for Windsor, the new Family name.
They think it sounds English, but they're Huns all the same.

12 comments:

Gary said...

Marlene, this is a fascinating piece! What can you tell us about its origins?

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

It was written by Lord Leopold Mountbatten.

Anonymous said...

Goodness - when did this emerge ? Presumably after his death but not very flattering about the family is it. He must have had a wicked sense of humour :-)

Marlene Eilers Koenig said...

I have had a copy for years. It was given to me by a member of the family.

Jérôme said...

Hilarious !

Bill said...

Funny stuff. He doesn't seem too enamored of many of his family.

Janet said...

My but Lord Leopold was funny--a rather rapier style of wit! Hope his family felt the same way if they ever got to see or hear his work. Wonderful insight from an insider.

princess said...

Any idea of his age at writing this? How funny!

Elena Ciocan said...

Unbelievably funny :). Thank you for sharing

Unknown said...

Brilliant - thank you so much for posting this. As for a date, P in the alphabet got married "at last" in 1919 and the author died in 1922, so between those dates...

MAXny said...

How entertaining and insightful.

JohnF said...

Thanks for posting, great fun. Interesting comments about Marie Louise & Helena Victoria. I'd always assumed it was the other way around - ML the 'nice' one & HV (known as 'snipe'?) the not so nice one, & I wonder what the tensions were at Schomberg Hosue.